I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
