that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
