I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
