i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
