Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
