Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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