I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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