i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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