so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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