she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
