Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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