Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
