I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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