i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
