Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
