those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
