That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pants are for mortals
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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