Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
