You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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