It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
