My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
