Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
