im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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