it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
