I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Who died my cat blue again?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
