just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
