I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
