Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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