"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize