Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize