Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
