your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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