My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
