I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
