Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
