i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize