Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
