I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
