I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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