Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
