Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
