Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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