mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
