Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
