In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
