just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
