It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
