Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
