I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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