I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
