Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
