he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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