god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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