Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize