I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
