I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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