dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
