pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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