He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
