Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
