My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
