His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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