every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
