Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
