Do you still have your period?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
