and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
