rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I love having hate sex.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize