I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
too bad you live with your parents still
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
