i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
