I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
