maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
