you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
