Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
